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Christian Network

Rejection is perhaps the worst experience a human being can have. We are relational creatures made by a relational God. Apart from relationships our souls wither and die. This is true in both the vertical and horizontal sense. We need God and we need people, in that order. The problem is that while God will never reject those who come to Him through Christ human beings are another story. To be human is to know rejection from other human beings

There is a temptation to respond to the pain from such experiences by minimizing our interaction with people. This means keeping relationships shallow to one degree or another. We rarely become absolute hermits. It is usually enough to just avoid deep intimacy. We think that by doing so we will not know the terrible hurt that comes from such intimacy ending in another rejection. That is certainly true, but taking this path ultimately leads to a greater pain, that of loneliness. C.S. Lewis once described this kind of avoidance of relational pain as nailing shut the lid of your own coffin.

So what, then, is the right response to rejection?

As hard as this may be to hear, the best way to overcome it is to be willing to risk it again. Risk is a fundamental reality in a fallen world. Absolute security does not exist in human relationships. There is always the possibility that we will know rejection, to a greater or lesser extent, from family, friends, spouses and children. Not long ago a married couple with a nationally known and very effective ministry to save marriages ended up in divorce court. They had been married for about 40 years. 11,000 couples could testify to these people’s instrumental role in keeping their own marriages together. That they themselves would break the marriage covenant was the height of irony. No human relationship appears to be completely immune from destruction.

So why risk such destruction again? It seems to open ourselves up to needless pain. Isn’t this a "Catch-22"? We need others but we can never be safe from the prospect of even those nearest and dearest turning against us? It sounds like an untenable situation and it would be save one blessed fact: God will never reject those who come to Him through Christ. As believers we have this bottom line. Others may desert us but our Father in Heaven never will. It is living in this reality that we find the courage to risk both loving again and loving deeply.

The Bible tells us that if God is for us no one can be against us. By this the Scripture means that even the worst-case scenario in human relationships cannot cut us off from the one relationship we need to both survive and thrive. While it is true that we need horizontal relationships it must be remembered that we need the vertical one even more. In fact we can only healthily bond with others if we have first bonded with God.

Our Lord will never suffer us to experience a loss we cannot endure if our primary relationship is with Him. We will never be rejected by our Redeemer. He will sustain us and then, as we put our faith in Him to do so, a wonderful additional thing is given us.

Human beings in truly intimate relationship with God find not only the desire but also the strength to be in intimate human relationships. A friendship, a marriage, family ties; all can ultimately be as joyful as God intends them to be if we seek the Kingdom first. Two individuals who share a commitment to truly make God the Lord of their lives will find a blessed communion with one another that will grow and endure for life.

But we cannot have such relationships unless we again take the risk of letting people into our hearts and letting ourselves into theirs. Eventually we will find kindred spirits that are far less likely to reject us because it will be God Himself who has caused us to find them. Then, in both our vertical and horizontal relationships we will know healing from the wounds of rejection.