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Christian Network

It is a paradox that the bitterness some of us still harbor about certain losses we experienced before coming to Christ is the very thing that prevents us from getting the things we lost back. Now it is true that some of what we lost was a necessary precursor to salvation. Perhaps it happened as a result of our sin, perhaps not, but the pain of loss was part of what God used to bring us to Himself. However, some precious things that vanished from our lives, often during our formative years, vanished because of the sin of others. A good example might be the childhood scarred by parents divorcing one another or abusing their children. Such family trauma is not ordained by God and the damage it causes grieves Him perhaps most of all. Try telling that, though, to the survivors of broken homes. It is sometimes very difficult for these survivors not to blame their parents, or even God, for a childhood gone horribly wrong. But whether we blame God or human beings, the result of blaming is the same: bitterness.

Long term bitterness held in the believer’s heart is one of the most effective "ship wreckers" of faith. Bitterness is anger that is so deep and so pervasive that it colors a person’s entire perception of life. It is unreleased resentment about real wrongs perpetrated against us, wrongs that afflicted us, sometimes most profoundly. In the eyes of the world the afflicted person seems to have pretty good justification for being that way. The only problem is this: bitterness which continues to be held in our hearts never leads to any resolution, but only to ruin. Harbored bitterness begets more bitterness. Unreleased, unresolved anger is a deep rot in the bones of our spiritual life.

God’s will in the lives of His sons and daughters is always for healing and restoration. While this healing and restoration often does not come in our timing and in the way we expect it, it always comes if we are willing to receive it. Whether we have that willingness is ultimately up to us. Continuing bitterness shows that we are not yet ready to allow God to bless us with deliverance from the damage to our hearts. As long as we refuse to forgive those who have hurt us we will not know the recovery of some of the joy and happiness we once knew as children before everything fell apart.

Such forgiveness is not an easy thing .It rarely comes overnight and must be proceeded by the replacement of bitterness with deep and honest grieving. A heart locked up by anger can only be unlocked by the tears that needed to fall years before. It is only through grief that bitterness can give way to forgiveness and grief does not feel good. That it doesn’t is often why we prefer to be locked up in our anger. We fear that the sorrow will be too much to bear. We often also fear giving ourselves over to healthy grief because we are afraid we will lose control of ourselves. But the pain and, at times, even a sense of lost control are a necessary part of the process that leads to forgiveness and the opening of our hearts to God’s healing hand. Ultimately He knows how much grief we need to express and, beyond that, He can be in control even when we feel out of control.

Our response to loss does not have to be a bitterness that keeps us from receiving back the very things lost. We can choose to give up the long-held anger poisoning our hearts. We do this as we come to know that God is ready and willing to guide us through the process that leads to a restored life.