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Christian Network

Celibacy, as a lifestyle, is not very highly regarded by the American Church. By a life style I do not mean remaining sexually pure prior to marriage. The kind of celibacy I speak of is the state Jesus lived in. It is the state the Apostle Paul not only embraced but celebrated. It is lifelong singleness as a calling.

The vast majority of Christians in the United States will either marry or at least try to marry at some point in their lives. For the Evangelical Protestant here it is the ‘subculturally’ normative thing to do. Those who choose to remain single are few and far between and are often seen by their married brethren as perhaps just a little strange. That perception, and the resulting stereotyping we rarely talk about and often are not conscious of, has hurt believers who are called to celibacy and that is a shameful thing. It also runs strangely counter to the viewpoint of the ‘primitive’ Church which Christians here often like to talk about modeling themselves after (The only other characteristic of the early Church that Americans reject anywhere near as much is the communal sharing of material possessions…but that is another essay). In the First Century new believers often renounced marriage in their quest to model their lives after Christ. Apparently joining Christian matchmaking services was not a huge priority for them.

Nowhere is the contemporary glorification of marriage, and the expectations that go along with it, more obvious than in regards to pastoral ministry in this country. Very few senior pastors in the United States are unmarried and those who are have reported that their congregations often are not happy about it. The word that unfortunately comes to mind in regards to such congregational attitudes towards the single pastor is distrust. ‘What is wrong with our pastor that he/she does not have a mate?’ is the standard question, whether spoken or unspoken. One reason for this prejudice is fairly obvious; we are not Catholics. The celibacy of Roman Catholic clergy is one of the characteristics of that church we Evangelicals most like to criticize. It is right up there with the veneration of Mary and the Saints in our book and the recent sex scandals involving priests here have not helped. More than ever born-again believers are suspicious of celibate people in leadership positions and this is unfortunate. Wasn’t it Paul who told us that married Christians have divided loyalties? That could only be magnified when someone is trying to juggle family and church leadership responsibilities.

But in cases not involving pastoral leadership why have Evangelicals here turned from the early Church’s respect for celibacy as a calling? One practical reason might be the unraveling of the extended family in America. Most of the few Christians I know who are unmarried later in life and not panicking about it are those who live in multi-generational families under one roof. Most of us are not so fortunate. We live alone or with roommates with which we share living space but not our lives. The destruction of the nuclear family along with the alienation inherent in modern society has had a profound effect on us. Many born here, at least in my generation, feel like orphans. We crave more than transient company and casual friendship. We crave a soulmate, a partner who will always be with us in this life. Never has the line from Genesis seemed more true, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone’. Many Americans are very lonely these days.

Of course marriage is not always the answer to the problem. At the very least it cannot be the sole answer to loneliness. Many who have gone through the misery of divorce will tell you that it is better to be unmarried than to be in a bad marriage. It is possible to live a fulfilling life as a single, especially if God has called someone to such a life. While it may be true that more Christians are called to marriage than to lifelong celibacy the high Evangelical divorce rate makes one wonder. What if many more people are meant to be single than American Evangelicals wants to admit? People missing their calling is always a bad thing.

The Church needs to embrace those who choose to live a celibate life for the right reasons. We need to befriend them, invite them into our families, provide for their relational needs. Most of all we need to honor their decision to live for God alone. Such saints should be looked up to, if anything, not whispered about on Sunday. It behooves us to challenge our assumptions about the automatic superiority of marriage. The Bible is full of single people who have known God in a profoundly deep way and who have served his purposes with an undivided heart. The mere fact that Jesus Christ did not marry in this life should give us pause. Some might argue that His bride is the Church. True enough, She is, but by the Father’s will that wedding must wait until His return and Jesus was content to live a celibate life during His time here. It might be well for more of us to live by His earthly ministry’s example. If that seems too great a sacrifice we need to remember that no believer will be forever celibate. We who make up the living Church, whether married or not, will one day know a union with the Bridegroom more blessed than any bond we have ever known here.