Shea Oakley

Shea was converted from Atheism 17 years ago. He is a graduate of Nyack College, a Christian College outside of New York City, and holds a B.A in English Literature. He also earned a Certificate of Theological Studies (C.T.S) from Alliance Theological Seminary (also in Nyack). Since 2002 he has had over 200 devotionals and Christian opinion pieces published in several Christian publications, both electronically and in print.

The Myth of Romantic Fulfillment Copyright 2008 by Shea Oakley All rights reserved Romantic love often seems to be this age’s cure-all for loneliness and lack of fulfillment. It has become almost an article of faith in Western society that the answer to many of the chronic problems of human existence is to be found in a man and a women (or these days any combination of genders) coming together. Whether it takes the form of a dating relationship, co-habitation or a potentially lifelong marital bond we are told that we find our all in all when we become one with another human being physically and emotionally. While the Bible has an "opinion" on the subject of sexual activity outside of marriage I’ll spare you the moralistic scolding that many of you have no doubt heard Christians are famous (or infamous) for. My intention is to propose that the regular carnage we see today in romantic relationships that function as the be-all and end-all of life happens for a reason. It happens because the greatest relationship a human being can be in is not one with another human being at all; it is one with the Creator of human beings. Our troubled romantic lives are a direct consequence of "putting the cart before the horse" in a fundamental way. We seek in other people what only God can provide us with. The great French scientist and theologian Blaise Pascal put it succinctly when he spoke of a "God-shaped hole" in every human heart. This is the hole that exists because we are not born in a real relationship with God. Again, I will not focus on why that is true. This is not an article about sin and the fall of our race. It is enough to say that if we have any self-awareness at all we have a sense that something is missing from our lives. This void exists and we try to fill it with any number of things, some good in their proper context and some bad in every context. One of the things we often try to fill it with is another person. When we are head over heels in love with someone, and they with us, we do not feel that void for a while. In fact we may well feel absolutely contented, full of all we want and could ever imagine wanting. Such is the false transcendence of human love in and of itself. It does not last. At some point the intoxication of "being in love" wears off. We begin to see the other person’s flaws where once we saw perfection. The relationship that once seemed like the "happily ever after" answer we have been hoping for shows its inability to keep us in a state of perpetual bliss. Many romances and marriages do not make it far past this point. The problem is not with men and woman falling in love. The problem is with expecting another person to fill the void that only our Maker can fill. Christians fall in love too. Such love can be a great blessing, but only if it is secondary to being in a deeper love relationship with God. It is in seeking that deeper bond with the divine that romantic love can be put in its proper place in our lives and fully enjoyed for what it is, a gift from God; not a god itself. Seek first the Creator of Heaven and Earth (and also the Creator, by the way, of human love) and you will fill a hole in your heart that no one else ever can. Seek a man or women to do that and all you will know in the end is a heart with a hole in it that is now a broken heart as well.