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The Fifty-Second Chapter
A MAN OUGHT NOT TO CONSIDER HIMSELF WORTHY OF CONSOLATION, BUT RATHER DESERVING
OF CHASTISEMENT
THE DISCIPLE
LORD, I am not worthy of Your consolation or of any spiritual visitation.
Therefore, You treat me justly when You leave me poor and desolate. For though I
could shed a sea of tears, yet I should not be worthy of Your consolation.
Hence, I deserve only to be scourged and punished because I have offended You
often and grievously, and have sinned greatly in many things. In all justice,
therefore, I am not worthy of any consolation.
But You, O gracious and merciful God, Who do not will that Your works should
perish, deign to console Your servant beyond all his merit and above human
measure, to show the riches of Your goodness toward the vessels of mercy. For
Your consolations are not like the words of men.
What have I done, Lord, that You should confer on me any heavenly comfort? I
remember that I have done nothing good, but that I have always been prone to sin
and slow to amend. That is true. I cannot deny it. If I said otherwise You would
stand against me, and there would be no one to defend me. What have I deserved
for my sins except hell and everlasting fire?
In truth, I confess that I am deserving of all scorn and contempt. Neither is it
fitting that I should be remembered among Your devoted servants. And although it
is hard for me to hear this, yet for truth's sake I will allege my sins against
myself, so that I may more easily deserve to beg Your mercy. What shall I say,
guilty as I am and full of all confusion? My tongue can say nothing but this
alone: "I have sinned, O Lord, I have sinned; have mercy on me and pardon me.
Suffer me a little that I may pour out my grief, before I go to that dark land
that is covered with the shadow of death."
What do you especially demand of a guilty and wretched sinner, except that he be
contrite and humble himself for his sins? In true sorrow and humility of heart
hope of forgiveness is born, the troubled conscience is reconciled, grace is
found, man is preserved from the wrath to come, and God and the penitent meet
with a holy kiss.
To You, O Lord, humble sorrow for sins is an acceptable sacrifice, a sacrifice
far sweeter than the perfume of incense. This is also the pleasing ointment
which You would have poured upon Your sacred feet, for a contrite and humble
heart You have never despised. Here is a place of refuge from the force of the
enemy's anger. Here is amended and washed away whatever defilement has been
contracted elsewhere.
