Dear Jerry,

You wrote:

My apologies for not getting back to you sooner on this. My first reaction was to write back immediately but I wanted time to think. It is not that the answer is so terribly difficult to come up with it is just so vast a topic I wasn't sure where to begin. After reading your letter containing this I switched off the computer and went for a walk with the dog in the fine Indian summer we are enjoying.

Anger at God stems of course from our inability to get our heads round what is happening. From our point of view it seems so obvious what should be done and yet that is obviously not what is best or that is what the Lord would do!

Sometimes anger stems from having a God so small he fits in your pocket like a lucky rabbit's foot. We expect God to act like a lucky charm and keep us free from the problems that beset other people. We expect to have an advantage over others because we have God all signed up to our side and our cause. When we see this written down we of course immediately say, "Oh I don't think that way!" But my many years of pastoral experience shows me that many people actually do think this way even when hotly denying it!

I would like to share with you what I think is very pertinent story. My father is an elder in the Church of Scotland and has been for a very long time. I remember this story as though it were yesterday. I must have been about eight or nine and my father shared this over the dinner table. A lady in my Father's district (an elder has a group of families to look after - usually about a dozen we call that his district) was dying fairly horribly (this is the 50's pain control wasn't what it is now) of bowel cancer. The family and the minister gathered by the hospital bed and prayed for healing if that was the will of God.

She wasn't healed. She died not long afterwards. The husband told my father that he had seldom seen God answer a prayer so powerfully. She wasn't healed. But a great and deep peace came upon the lady and upon her family. They knew they were in the hands of God. God didn't do exactly what they had asked but he did answer it in the best of all possible ways. He gave them all His Peace. They were content. The problems and the trauma eased away as He carried the burden. The lady slipped quietly and peacefully from this life into real life. Into life eternal where she was made whole, new, and truly healed. They all knew God had blessed them.

I've been angry with God. I have ranted and raved. Job did that. Read the book and see what it is to complain to God. When you don't understand just go to God and tell him how you feel and let him know where you are at and ask him to explain what it is he is doing. Ask him to help you to understand. He will answer.

For twenty years I have asked God to heal me of this terrible disease. He hasn't. He won't that much is plain to me. And that's ok. It has become a real blessing. It helps me to understand what it is to suffer. It helps me when I have to minister to other. I know how they feel about so many things. It also keeps me humble before God because I know that I can do nothing without his help and strength because often I can do nothing, I am weak, tired, sore and feeling ill. I can't remember when I last felt well. About once a year if I am lucky I wake up, feel ok, and go through one day feeling normal. But I honestly rejoice in this ... because God blesses me deeply through this experience and I guess I wouldn't be able to write this letter if it weren't for this disease.

It's getting on to lunch time here and my stomach is protesting so I guess I should go and do something about it, but first I will walk to the pillar box and post the 15 letters I wrote this morning. I have only skimmed the surface here with this letter. Do you want more on this?

Blessings,

Stuart

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