HERE BEGINNETH THE NINE AND SIXTIETH CHAPTER
How that a man's affection is marvelously changed in ghostly feeling
of this nought, when it is nowhere wrought.
WONDERFULLY is a man's affection varied in ghostly feeling of this
nought when it is nowhere wrought. For at the first time that a soul
looketh thereupon, it shall find all the special deeds of sin that ever
he did since he was born, bodily or ghostly, privily or darkly painted
thereupon. And howsoever that he turneth it about, evermore they
will appear before his eyes; until the time be, that with much hard travail,
many sore sighings, and many bitter weepings, he have in great part
washed them away. Sometime in this travail him think that it is to look
thereupon as on hell; for him think that he despaireth to win to perfection
of ghostly rest out of that pairs Thus far inwards come many, but for greatness
of pain that they feel and for lacking of comfort, they go back in beholding
of bodily things: seeking fleshly comforts without, for lacking of ghostly they
have not yet deserved, as they should if they had abided.
For he that abideth feeleth sometime some comfort, and hath some
hope of perfection; for he feeleth and seeth that many of his fordone
special sins be in great part by help of grace rubbed away.
Nevertheless yet ever among he feeleth pain, but he thinketh that
it shall have an end, for it waxeth ever less and less. And therefore
he calleth it nought else but purgatory. Sometime he can find no
special sin written thereupon, but yet him think that sin is a lump,
he wot never what, none other thing than himself; and then it may
be called the base and the pain of the original sin. Sometime him
think that it is paradise or heaven, for diverse wonderful sweetness
and comforts, joys and blessed virtues that he findeth therein.
Sometime him think it God, for peace and rest that he findeth therein.
Yea! think what he think will; for evermore he shall find it a
cloud of unknowing, that is betwixt him and his God.
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